[ the breathing under his legs, the power in the hooves that carry him— it was a wonderful feeling to have that back. wonderful as it was dangerous to get too cocky too soon. warhammer was exactly how they described— he knew most commands, but he was impatient and hot-tempered, his movements harsh and lacking the grace needed for show. they weren't bad— it reminded jayce of his uncouth, more carefree riding style, but for dressage of all things? it wasn't really acceptable.
but they're not training today. he's just getting a feel, getting back on the saddle. he's happy he did.
jayce looks for viktor all the while— even as his partner lags then follows suite, jayce tests the gelding's turn and circles back to him, circles around him, quizzing his stead's march— he is not only putting his form up for show, but unmistakably taking a fancy to watching viktor's. up, down, at all angles— and eyes. there're no words, only smiles, smirks, grins— jayce doesnt know how to dance, but he knows how to make this look like one.
flirt. he can rival a stallion's endearing courting attempts. without all the flashiness.
the are riding into a clearing at somepoint, where the paleness of the sky reflects off a body of water that stretches on into a field of sleeping wildflowers. at least its not so dark here, and the shadowy sky starts to point out stars. ]
[ It's a simple but beautiful dance, man and beast and the backdrop of nature, but it's one that Viktor actually understands. As a boy, he'd learned to ride instead of waltz, dressage instead of anything that would suit a ballroom. As a teenager, he'd sat on the edges of dance floors, his nose in a book rather than attempting to find someone who might dance with him, who would let him lead at a slower pace without it being about pity. He'd never cared before, because it felt like he was speaking a different language than everyone around him. For a while now, he'd given up hope of finding someone to ride with, think with, maybe even dance with.
It's something that he's never had and missed all his life.
Jayce's sweetness makes Viktor's heart tighten in his chest, the way he'd double back for Viktor not because he's impatient with the wandering pace, but because he wants to share it. He inspires Viktor to show off, too, and let the retired Mercury relive some of her glorious competition days.
By the time they reach the clearing, Viktor feels like he's dying of thirst, and the only thing to quench it is Jayce's kiss. He leads the way to a fallen tree on the edge of the clearing that will have to act as a mounting block, sliding from Mercury and then leaning against her as he stretches the stiffness from his leg. Perhaps it's lucky, this time, that he doesn't have the strength to immediately pounce on Jayce. ]
[ oh, what a damn charmer. viktor's grace goes absolutely unmatched, the light greys that kiss his skin from the moonlight and makes the color of his eyes pop. he's— beautiful. absolutely beautiful. jayce is grateful that he'd chosen a quiet, private spot away from the lights of both the manor and the city—
the sky is bright with white, twinkling specks. they barely need light at all. he'd always imagined what color it'd all be. many spoke of it's beauty. ah, but jayce . . . is distracted from trying to look up and wonder if he could see more color in the sky when the greatest of them— his first— is what he looks for once joining viktor on their tree-turned mounting aid.
swinging off the gelding and tying him there, jayce leaves a bit of space for warhammer to graze, patting at the slab of his great neck and praising him— and eying viktor through the curve connecting the slender horse's mandible and neck.
jayce has to resist the urge to catch him off guard, in pure silence, just to kiss him. his heart was riled, racing and wanting like the beat of the hooves that brought them here. his leg aches in a way that is not uncommon after a hard day's work, made more apparant by the use of his muscle to mount. he'll have to stretch it out, notices that viktor quite needs the same before asking: ]
[ Viktor hums a reply, leaving Mercury to roam as she pleases and knowing she won't run off. She's a smart girl, his heart horse, and both of them know the other won't leave them behind.
He means to say something, he does, but now that his attention isn't so focused on his leg, he looks up to the sky and then the clearing around them. It's beautiful, full of deep blacks and bright whites and all the shades in between. He can guess how beautiful it might look with color, but as Mercury wanders away and clears the space between Viktor and Jayce, all he can think of is the color of his eyes.
Smiling a little shyly at being caught looking and also his lack of response, he holds a hand out to Jayce. ]
[ jayce is all endeared simpering until the mirth is stunned out of him, his eyes on the offered hand. hadn't he— been on a ledge, and viktor . . . no, that's not how it went. viktor wasn't there when he planned to jump. he heard the horses.
but viktor . . . gave him something. a bracelet with a gem in the middle, leather worn down from how much he'd rub at it. i think you're onto something.
i don't even know your name.
it's viktor.
with those slim amber eyes.
it's such a short, second's worth of pause, but it made jayce feel like he was stuck during a lifetime. apologetically dipping his head and smiling under his bow, he takes the hand waiting for him. ]
—Sorry. Yeah. [ he gestures to his head, and as if it were some kind of reassurance to say so, chuckling under his vreath like it's absolutely something silly: ] Déjà vu.
[ It's a small enough pause, but not an imperceptible one, and Viktor flexes his fingers as he waits for them to be taken. Once he does, Viktor slots their fingers together and uses the anchor point to draw himself closer to Jayce. ]
Do you get it often? [ It's probably a strange question, but Viktor feels the sensation with enough frequency to be curious—especially since so much of his has centered around Jayce as of late. This, on top of their shared monochromia suddenly changing on the same day to see each other's eyes, makes Viktor's skin prickle. ] It happens to me all the time.
[ it all pieces together to paint a very . . . odd and completely coincidental picture, but their shared similarities are becoming a bit too much to toss up to something as simple and vague as that. jayce was still a man of study, science and pattern—
and there is something, there.
taking viktor's hand, jayce finds a slow walk— a budding warmth furls from his middle at the touch of fingers, spreads through his limbs. putting his arm into a curve, he guides viktor's hand through the newly formed loop, and continues to hold him by gently caressing fingers to fingers. ]
[ For someone rumored to be so isolated as Jayce had been when first coming to work on the estate, he's certainly warm and charming. He brings Viktor closer, tucking him in perfectly so they can walk with even more points of contact between them. There's a bit of a chilly breeze wafting through the trees, but Viktor feels quite comfortable. ]
I asked you first, Jayce. [ He smiles up at him, mischief in his eyes, but he's not really going to hold them to any kind of order. ] It used to happen once every few days. Recently...
[ Is he going to say it? That it's been increasing ever since meeting Jayce, and especially now that he's spending even more time with him? It feels impossible, but there is evidence and a mystery that's hard for him not to consider. He also has to remind himself that Jayce is different from everyone else, that he won't call Viktor crazy or dismiss his observations. ]
[ jayce where's a look of sheepish apology; looks like he was so focused, he's forgotten to answer. now, this is getting . . . even more peculiar. the rabbit whole is getting deep. with slanted, quizzical brows, he wants to go deeper.
of course he'd understand— it's something they share. a little too on the nose. ]
I've only ever . . . Had a few in my whole life.
[ he could count them on his fingers. being saved from a blizzard by a mage— running after a mage— and falling down a cliff. ]
Now— since meeting you, [ it's come to the point that he'd have to jot them down in his notebook, like dreams that held some sort of meaning. ] A few a day.
[ they near a flat bed of grass, lit by the moon; jayce slows there and carefully lowers himself down, aiding viktor on the way. ]
—This can't be a coincidence.
[ it can't be— but he's so curious to know more about it, to explore, to understand— he feels a fire in his chest that burns like his forge. creation, pursuit— discovery. ]
[ At first, Viktor thinks that he's missed the mark. A few in his life is very different from how Viktor had grown up, but perhaps his deja vu was more harmless back then. As someone with keen observation skills and a memory like an iron trap, it might have just been more likely for him to remember being in similar scenarios—limping along with his cane, staying up late to study something, tinkering with little projects, and all the other things that used to occupy his time.
Now, though, the would-be memories include Jayce, just as his colored dreams do. How can he dream of a younger Jayce in full color when Viktor doesn't even know what colors are?
He allows himself to be led to the grass, leaning against Jayce and staring down at their hands still wrapped together. ]
We can— [ Forget it is on the tip of his tongue when Jayce confesses what Viktor had predicted—hoped—and it steals away any uncertainty. ] We can't ignore the statistical unlikelihood.
[ Looking straight ahead as their horses grazed together, Viktor squeezes Jayce's hand and chuckles softly. ] I thought we might have come here to make out, but now I want to ask you a hundred questions.
[ jayce laughs with surprise— he shouldn't be surprised because, yes, for all his intent and purposes, he wanted to sit down and kiss the hell out of his intellectual lips, he wants to kiss him right now as he speaks. the absolute size of viktor's genius makes jayce feel like he's fluttering his way into the clouds.
they're still holding hands. he doesn't know if his heart is ever going to beat steadily again. it could burst right out of him, at any minute. ]
I don't see anything stopping us from doing both.
[ he too, has so many questions, but—
jayce is so full of unfiltered devotion that he can't hold it back. it's his turn, now, to do this properly. to fix the strands of loose hair over viktor's eyes to the side of his head, the licking curl of a lock being smoothed behind his ear. fingers brush past viktor's cheek, and jayce, with unmatched charm, hushes to him: ]
And I'm guessing I did a good job, if you're jumping to making out.
[ courtship: success?? but he's a pleaser where and with who it counts. clear instructions and validations were his weakness, but the point of all that is: he's being a big tease. ]
[ A pleaser to be sure, the first person that Viktor has met who can feed all of his appetites. If they do both, he'll be spoiled by affection and knowledge, and for one of the first times in his life, he's also hungry to learn more about another person. Jayce is someone he had called a friend, but that doesn't mean that he knows everything about him after a few short months.
Those months, though they feel like a lifetime, are just the beginning. ]
I suppose I'm meant to play hard to get. [ There's no chance of it, not when he'd been the one to initiate the first kiss and goad Jayce into courting him in the first point. ] But I'm not so good at that.
[ Not when Jayce is caressing his face like this, fingers in his hair and calluses across his skin. The attention is so unlike anything that Viktor has experienced, and he's surprised to learn that he loves it. Who would have guessed that such an intellectual would yearn for physical affection? ]
Shall we make it a game? A question, an answer, a kiss.
[ a huff of his laughing under his breath; if jayce'd been in another place at another time, maybe it'd be him to initiate. he would crumble too.
he supposes he just didn't crumble fast enough— probably out of their differences. he admires viktor's boldness, for it. and for making him come out of his shell. the wall he'd built for himself barely existed after he'd met the man. ]
Sounds more like a race. [ he is just cheeky!! tonight, isn't he. all full of levity. with an affectionate gaze, he keeps his proximity; the desired effect fixes between them: a luscious tension that made his heart skip.
he hasn't been so excited, or mentally stimulated, in quite some time like he was tonight. viktor always managed. it was always viktor. ]
[ Humming, Viktor leans in closer until their noses touch, and then pulls away completely. He wants to face Jayce instead of sitting next to him, and not just because he enjoys staring into that mysterious color that was his eyes. So he turns in a semi-circle until they're once again sitting side by side, but this time facing in opposite directions. Quickly retaking Jayce's hand, Viktor runs his thumb over the bumps of each knuckle as he tries to think of a place to start. ]
When you have these... feelings of deja vu, do you ever remember things that haven't happened? Not the sense that you've been in the exact same scenario before, but that you're remembering something similar?
[ augh— even the bump of their noses leaves jayce weak. the quick pullback has him holding his breath from the anticipation, then likely smiling as he realizes he's been played. it makes him want all the more.
jayce bites into his lower lip, however brief, to hinder his smile from going too wide. noticing viktor's intention, jayce follows and does the same: facing him, with one leg crossed, and his injury stretched out in front of him and to viktor's side.
there's a much better view this way. ]
All the time. Sometimes they'd get so— [ he looks for the word, uses his hand to gesture, ] Fantastical, I'd think I'd have the wildest imagination when it came to you. Or . . .
[ Seeing Jayce so perfectly match him, a mirror to his actions despite a lack of vocal communication, makes Viktor's heart sing. They work so perfectly together in the stables and now in this as well, this... relationship that they're growing from such fertile ground.
Viktor's eyes narrow in pensive contemplation as Jayce explains, putting voice to words that Viktor has thought to himself a dozen times. He would love to focus on the combination of "wildest imagination" being used in the same sentence as himself, the double entendre right there for the taking, but instead his breath hitches at Jayce's confession. He wants to dive deeper and explain his own experiences, but they've established rules to this exchange.
Licking his lips, he leans in to kiss Jayce, lingering but chaste. ] Your turn.
[ a kiss so sweet and brief that jayce goes chasing after viktor when he parts to speak, and halts his pursuit when he hears it.
his turn.
jayce feels abashed in the sense that he feels too old for this— this giddy eagerness you're more likely to find in horny teenagers. but that isn't to say he doesn't like it, pulling his lips wide as he dips his head sideways in mock disappointment.
keeps him on the edge of his seat in the grass, and giving more anticipation for their audience of stars, crickets and croaking frogs. jayce seeks out as little as two of viktor's fingers to pinch between his index finger and thumb, rubbing over it like he would a crystal gem. ]
[ Viktor echoes the smile, appreciating that Jayce seems to easily understand his intentions. There have been others who called Viktor cold or stoic, but in reality, most people just didn't understand his way of doing things.
Enter one Jayce Talis.
The touch to his fingers is so delicate, a stark contrast to Jayce's tough exterior, and Viktor nearly caves into giving him another kiss. He has to stay strong, though, because his partner is maintaining focus. ]
My favorite?
[ He hums, thinking about all of the false memories that had struck him recently—for the ones with Jayce are definitely the happiest. When he speaks, his accent is a little thicker, eyes on where his fingers meet Jayce's. ]
Floating in a room of light and stars. There was a glowing epicenter, like a small blue sun, and you pushed something through it toward me. It jumped, like... skipping time. [ He knows that the item was a small, silver gear, but for some reason, that part strikes him as private, like he would keep it on him at all times and not want Jayce to know. ] It felt like a moment of pure discovery, like ecstasy after an epic realization.
[ jayce's expression completely drops, like he's seen a ghost, or struck by startle so great he . . . doesn't know what to say at first. it's the same. the memory— if they could call it that, the same as his. a bright, beautiful color. floating, laughter, just—
doscovery. it felt special. it felt their's. jayce huffs out, similar to a breathless laugh, but he can barely curve his lips to make it so. he's still in disbelief. ]
It was . . . A cog. [ a silver cog that he tapped with his finger. he knew this one. it happened some days ago. ] And you were— smiling . . .
[ such a wonderous smile, that it suited viktor in the reserves of their privacy together. the urge to kiss him was too great, and jayce feared he'd lose the battle of asking questions if he didn't keep up.
what the hell. he's wanted to initiate, and so he does; he takes the opportunity to cup the other's face, to meet him halfway in a kiss that bares more need, a little rougher in maintaining, but does not deepen, yet. he lingers for permission, and holds his face like he has found the most precious thing under all these stars. ]
[ The change in expression throws Viktor off-balance, worried that maybe he'd gone too far and that his thoughts were truly fantastical. Even when a smile creeps onto Jayce's features, Viktor wonders if it's something placating, or worse, pitying.
He's not expecting Jayce to know. How could he? It isn't a real memory, and Viktor hadn't slipped up and mentioned the cog even if Jayce might have been able to assume that he was indeed smiling. Hell, he's not even aware of the fact that he named the color "blue" on instinct while being wrapped up in remembering. He looks at Jayce in utter disbelief, it takes him a second to melt into action when he's being kissed so tenderly.
Another flash of memory, of multi-colored hands reaching for him and cupping the back of his neck. He flinches away from it, the memory of Jayce and the real one in front of him, white-hot emotional pain spiking through his heart and making him gasp. ]
[ another short lived clench, and by the time they pull back, jayce doesn’t leave much space to. for starters, he wanted to keep close, and answer on his tongue just as quickly, but then—
his breathing catches when viktor twinges—
was he okay? had he done something wrong? hand . . . he seen something else? his hands go from cheeks to the back of his neck on one hand, a soothing rub against his fist with the other.
there's so much color in that singular image flashing through his mind right now— viktor, staring back at him with expectant eyes, tilting into him— that he nearly recoils— and holds on to viktor to stay there. ]
[ Usually, the flashes are so brief that Viktor is able to recover, but Jayce of now is moving the same way as the Jayce of his memories, hands shifting to slot into place with the image in Viktor's mind. His heart squeezes, his chest struggling to expand for air, and he feels tears start to roll down his cheeks. ]
S-stop. [ He gasps, unable to move but unable to stop the memory: their foreheads together, gritting their teeth while the world swirls around them. He wants to turn away, to hide somewhere Jayce can't see his shame, where Jayce might be safe from this burden. ] Jayce, let go.
[ he can't let go. not immediately, not whilst hearing his partner's tears come hot, flaring around in that chaotic whirl of magic and runic symbols, a power building between them and they are at its center. he remembers. he remembers how he was afraid of what felt like their last moments and relives it. he even feels the rub of viktor's soothing hand against his wrist as his breathing in real time picks up, as the corners of his squeezed eyes burn with their own beads rolling into his beard. ]
I promised—
[ —it's too overwhelming. jayce forgets where he is, what he's supposed to be doing. he jerks back with startle, a dry gasp, and left a quivering bundle of limbs that doesn't know the slightest of what's happening to them.
his chest clenches for viktor, but he could barely compose himself to care for him. his heart was racing like he'd just seen and accepted death, looked right at it while embraced with . . . viktor. dying together.
his head could burst. his hands drop, fall to viktor's legs and his head hangs between them. for a moment all he could do was breathe— and seek viktor by pressing his forehead to the other's shoulder— not just for comfort, but to offer it. he doesn't know what that was, but he knew he was silently sobbing it out. ]
[ Viktor can't remember when he lifted a hand to hold Jayce's wrist, can't remember if it's muscle memory to mimic the image overwhelming his mind or to hold Jayce close or to try to pull him away. It feels like two Viktors vying for space in his head, the self that he is here and now versus the version of the memory that crumbled beneath a heavy weight of guilt, failure, fear, regret.
He'd hurt Jayce. He'd done something so awful that they were dying, and he wasn't even strong enough to convince Jayce to save himself. Unconditional love at last, and he was too much of a coward to deny himself its comfort in the end.
There aren't enough words. Finally, after what feels like a thousand lifetimes, Jayce's hands drop and Viktor is free to sag to the side, to turn halfway away from Jayce because he's shaking too hard to gather his strength and move. Even still, Jayce—this Jayce, his Jayce, his like the other one never was—leans in and seeks physical touch, and Viktor is once again too weak to deny him a shoulder to lean against. ]
[ he could gather himself this way— with enough short gasps and inwards and shaking exhaled outward, jayce leans lower, lower— until his legs shift completely under him, away from viktor, only so that it could be replaced with his head in his lap, cheek to thigh. riding out the waves is a gradual feat. ]
I— [ he breathes— better, now. ] I don't know.
[ which wasn't helpful at all, he realizes, blinking quickly to dry the excess wetness from his eyelids. he still wants to cling to viktor and never let him go. ]
We might— have to look into metaphysics.
[ a good grounding point. possible explanations wnd theories to keep their minds occupied. ]
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but they're not training today. he's just getting a feel, getting back on the saddle. he's happy he did.
jayce looks for viktor all the while— even as his partner lags then follows suite, jayce tests the gelding's turn and circles back to him, circles around him, quizzing his stead's march— he is not only putting his form up for show, but unmistakably taking a fancy to watching viktor's. up, down, at all angles— and eyes. there're no words, only smiles, smirks, grins— jayce doesnt know how to dance, but he knows how to make this look like one.
flirt. he can rival a stallion's endearing courting attempts. without all the flashiness.
the are riding into a clearing at somepoint, where the paleness of the sky reflects off a body of water that stretches on into a field of sleeping wildflowers. at least its not so dark here, and the shadowy sky starts to point out stars. ]
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It's something that he's never had and missed all his life.
Jayce's sweetness makes Viktor's heart tighten in his chest, the way he'd double back for Viktor not because he's impatient with the wandering pace, but because he wants to share it. He inspires Viktor to show off, too, and let the retired Mercury relive some of her glorious competition days.
By the time they reach the clearing, Viktor feels like he's dying of thirst, and the only thing to quench it is Jayce's kiss. He leads the way to a fallen tree on the edge of the clearing that will have to act as a mounting block, sliding from Mercury and then leaning against her as he stretches the stiffness from his leg. Perhaps it's lucky, this time, that he doesn't have the strength to immediately pounce on Jayce. ]
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the sky is bright with white, twinkling specks. they barely need light at all. he'd always imagined what color it'd all be. many spoke of it's beauty. ah, but jayce . . . is distracted from trying to look up and wonder if he could see more color in the sky when the greatest of them— his first— is what he looks for once joining viktor on their tree-turned mounting aid.
swinging off the gelding and tying him there, jayce leaves a bit of space for warhammer to graze, patting at the slab of his great neck and praising him— and eying viktor through the curve connecting the slender horse's mandible and neck.
jayce has to resist the urge to catch him off guard, in pure silence, just to kiss him. his heart was riled, racing and wanting like the beat of the hooves that brought them here. his leg aches in a way that is not uncommon after a hard day's work, made more apparant by the use of his muscle to mount. he'll have to stretch it out, notices that viktor quite needs the same before asking: ]
Does sitting sound good?
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He means to say something, he does, but now that his attention isn't so focused on his leg, he looks up to the sky and then the clearing around them. It's beautiful, full of deep blacks and bright whites and all the shades in between. He can guess how beautiful it might look with color, but as Mercury wanders away and clears the space between Viktor and Jayce, all he can think of is the color of his eyes.
Smiling a little shyly at being caught looking and also his lack of response, he holds a hand out to Jayce. ]
Sitting sounds lovely.
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but viktor . . . gave him something. a bracelet with a gem in the middle, leather worn down from how much he'd rub at it. i think you're onto something.
i don't even know your name.
it's viktor.
with those slim amber eyes.
it's such a short, second's worth of pause, but it made jayce feel like he was stuck during a lifetime. apologetically dipping his head and smiling under his bow, he takes the hand waiting for him. ]
—Sorry. Yeah. [ he gestures to his head, and as if it were some kind of reassurance to say so, chuckling under his vreath like it's absolutely something silly: ] Déjà vu.
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Do you get it often? [ It's probably a strange question, but Viktor feels the sensation with enough frequency to be curious—especially since so much of his has centered around Jayce as of late. This, on top of their shared monochromia suddenly changing on the same day to see each other's eyes, makes Viktor's skin prickle. ] It happens to me all the time.
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[ it all pieces together to paint a very . . . odd and completely coincidental picture, but their shared similarities are becoming a bit too much to toss up to something as simple and vague as that. jayce was still a man of study, science and pattern—
and there is something, there.
taking viktor's hand, jayce finds a slow walk— a budding warmth furls from his middle at the touch of fingers, spreads through his limbs. putting his arm into a curve, he guides viktor's hand through the newly formed loop, and continues to hold him by gently caressing fingers to fingers. ]
How often?
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I asked you first, Jayce. [ He smiles up at him, mischief in his eyes, but he's not really going to hold them to any kind of order. ] It used to happen once every few days. Recently...
[ Is he going to say it? That it's been increasing ever since meeting Jayce, and especially now that he's spending even more time with him? It feels impossible, but there is evidence and a mystery that's hard for him not to consider. He also has to remind himself that Jayce is different from everyone else, that he won't call Viktor crazy or dismiss his observations. ]
Recently, several times a day, if we're together.
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of course he'd understand— it's something they share. a little too on the nose. ]
I've only ever . . . Had a few in my whole life.
[ he could count them on his fingers. being saved from a blizzard by a mage— running after a mage— and falling down a cliff. ]
Now— since meeting you, [ it's come to the point that he'd have to jot them down in his notebook, like dreams that held some sort of meaning. ] A few a day.
[ they near a flat bed of grass, lit by the moon; jayce slows there and carefully lowers himself down, aiding viktor on the way. ]
—This can't be a coincidence.
[ it can't be— but he's so curious to know more about it, to explore, to understand— he feels a fire in his chest that burns like his forge. creation, pursuit— discovery. ]
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Now, though, the would-be memories include Jayce, just as his colored dreams do. How can he dream of a younger Jayce in full color when Viktor doesn't even know what colors are?
He allows himself to be led to the grass, leaning against Jayce and staring down at their hands still wrapped together. ]
We can— [ Forget it is on the tip of his tongue when Jayce confesses what Viktor had predicted—hoped—and it steals away any uncertainty. ] We can't ignore the statistical unlikelihood.
[ Looking straight ahead as their horses grazed together, Viktor squeezes Jayce's hand and chuckles softly. ] I thought we might have come here to make out, but now I want to ask you a hundred questions.
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they're still holding hands. he doesn't know if his heart is ever going to beat steadily again. it could burst right out of him, at any minute. ]
I don't see anything stopping us from doing both.
[ he too, has so many questions, but—
jayce is so full of unfiltered devotion that he can't hold it back. it's his turn, now, to do this properly. to fix the strands of loose hair over viktor's eyes to the side of his head, the licking curl of a lock being smoothed behind his ear. fingers brush past viktor's cheek, and jayce, with unmatched charm, hushes to him: ]
And I'm guessing I did a good job, if you're jumping to making out.
[ courtship: success?? but he's a pleaser where and with who it counts. clear instructions and validations were his weakness, but the point of all that is: he's being a big tease. ]
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Those months, though they feel like a lifetime, are just the beginning. ]
I suppose I'm meant to play hard to get. [ There's no chance of it, not when he'd been the one to initiate the first kiss and goad Jayce into courting him in the first point. ] But I'm not so good at that.
[ Not when Jayce is caressing his face like this, fingers in his hair and calluses across his skin. The attention is so unlike anything that Viktor has experienced, and he's surprised to learn that he loves it. Who would have guessed that such an intellectual would yearn for physical affection? ]
Shall we make it a game? A question, an answer, a kiss.
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he supposes he just didn't crumble fast enough— probably out of their differences. he admires viktor's boldness, for it. and for making him come out of his shell. the wall he'd built for himself barely existed after he'd met the man. ]
Sounds more like a race. [ he is just cheeky!! tonight, isn't he. all full of levity. with an affectionate gaze, he keeps his proximity; the desired effect fixes between them: a luscious tension that made his heart skip.
he hasn't been so excited, or mentally stimulated, in quite some time like he was tonight. viktor always managed. it was always viktor. ]
Gentlemen first.
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[ Humming, Viktor leans in closer until their noses touch, and then pulls away completely. He wants to face Jayce instead of sitting next to him, and not just because he enjoys staring into that mysterious color that was his eyes. So he turns in a semi-circle until they're once again sitting side by side, but this time facing in opposite directions. Quickly retaking Jayce's hand, Viktor runs his thumb over the bumps of each knuckle as he tries to think of a place to start. ]
When you have these... feelings of deja vu, do you ever remember things that haven't happened? Not the sense that you've been in the exact same scenario before, but that you're remembering something similar?
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jayce bites into his lower lip, however brief, to hinder his smile from going too wide. noticing viktor's intention, jayce follows and does the same: facing him, with one leg crossed, and his injury stretched out in front of him and to viktor's side.
there's a much better view this way. ]
All the time. Sometimes they'd get so— [ he looks for the word, uses his hand to gesture, ] Fantastical, I'd think I'd have the wildest imagination when it came to you. Or . . .
[ a beat, voice going low and mildly sheepish, ]
I've been dreaming with you almost every night.
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Viktor's eyes narrow in pensive contemplation as Jayce explains, putting voice to words that Viktor has thought to himself a dozen times. He would love to focus on the combination of "wildest imagination" being used in the same sentence as himself, the double entendre right there for the taking, but instead his breath hitches at Jayce's confession. He wants to dive deeper and explain his own experiences, but they've established rules to this exchange.
Licking his lips, he leans in to kiss Jayce, lingering but chaste. ] Your turn.
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his turn.
jayce feels abashed in the sense that he feels too old for this— this giddy eagerness you're more likely to find in horny teenagers. but that isn't to say he doesn't like it, pulling his lips wide as he dips his head sideways in mock disappointment.
keeps him on the edge of his seat in the grass, and giving more anticipation for their audience of stars, crickets and croaking frogs. jayce seeks out as little as two of viktor's fingers to pinch between his index finger and thumb, rubbing over it like he would a crystal gem. ]
Tell me your favorite one.
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Enter one Jayce Talis.
The touch to his fingers is so delicate, a stark contrast to Jayce's tough exterior, and Viktor nearly caves into giving him another kiss. He has to stay strong, though, because his partner is maintaining focus. ]
My favorite?
[ He hums, thinking about all of the false memories that had struck him recently—for the ones with Jayce are definitely the happiest. When he speaks, his accent is a little thicker, eyes on where his fingers meet Jayce's. ]
Floating in a room of light and stars. There was a glowing epicenter, like a small blue sun, and you pushed something through it toward me. It jumped, like... skipping time. [ He knows that the item was a small, silver gear, but for some reason, that part strikes him as private, like he would keep it on him at all times and not want Jayce to know. ] It felt like a moment of pure discovery, like ecstasy after an epic realization.
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doscovery. it felt special. it felt their's. jayce huffs out, similar to a breathless laugh, but he can barely curve his lips to make it so. he's still in disbelief. ]
It was . . . A cog. [ a silver cog that he tapped with his finger. he knew this one. it happened some days ago. ] And you were— smiling . . .
[ such a wonderous smile, that it suited viktor in the reserves of their privacy together. the urge to kiss him was too great, and jayce feared he'd lose the battle of asking questions if he didn't keep up.
what the hell. he's wanted to initiate, and so he does; he takes the opportunity to cup the other's face, to meet him halfway in a kiss that bares more need, a little rougher in maintaining, but does not deepen, yet. he lingers for permission, and holds his face like he has found the most precious thing under all these stars. ]
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He's not expecting Jayce to know. How could he? It isn't a real memory, and Viktor hadn't slipped up and mentioned the cog even if Jayce might have been able to assume that he was indeed smiling. Hell, he's not even aware of the fact that he named the color "blue" on instinct while being wrapped up in remembering. He looks at Jayce in utter disbelief, it takes him a second to melt into action when he's being kissed so tenderly.
Another flash of memory, of multi-colored hands reaching for him and cupping the back of his neck. He flinches away from it, the memory of Jayce and the real one in front of him, white-hot emotional pain spiking through his heart and making him gasp. ]
How did you know that?
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his breathing catches when viktor twinges—
was he okay? had he done something wrong? hand . . . he seen something else? his hands go from cheeks to the back of his neck on one hand, a soothing rub against his fist with the other.
there's so much color in that singular image flashing through his mind right now— viktor, staring back at him with expectant eyes, tilting into him— that he nearly recoils— and holds on to viktor to stay there. ]
—I-I saw it, a few days ago. The same thing—
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S-stop. [ He gasps, unable to move but unable to stop the memory: their foreheads together, gritting their teeth while the world swirls around them. He wants to turn away, to hide somewhere Jayce can't see his shame, where Jayce might be safe from this burden. ] Jayce, let go.
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[ he can't let go. not immediately, not whilst hearing his partner's tears come hot, flaring around in that chaotic whirl of magic and runic symbols, a power building between them and they are at its center. he remembers. he remembers how he was afraid of what felt like their last moments and relives it. he even feels the rub of viktor's soothing hand against his wrist as his breathing in real time picks up, as the corners of his squeezed eyes burn with their own beads rolling into his beard. ]
I promised—
[ —it's too overwhelming. jayce forgets where he is, what he's supposed to be doing. he jerks back with startle, a dry gasp, and left a quivering bundle of limbs that doesn't know the slightest of what's happening to them.
his chest clenches for viktor, but he could barely compose himself to care for him. his heart was racing like he'd just seen and accepted death, looked right at it while embraced with . . . viktor. dying together.
his head could burst. his hands drop, fall to viktor's legs and his head hangs between them. for a moment all he could do was breathe— and seek viktor by pressing his forehead to the other's shoulder— not just for comfort, but to offer it. he doesn't know what that was, but he knew he was silently sobbing it out. ]
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He'd hurt Jayce. He'd done something so awful that they were dying, and he wasn't even strong enough to convince Jayce to save himself. Unconditional love at last, and he was too much of a coward to deny himself its comfort in the end.
There aren't enough words. Finally, after what feels like a thousand lifetimes, Jayce's hands drop and Viktor is free to sag to the side, to turn halfway away from Jayce because he's shaking too hard to gather his strength and move. Even still, Jayce—this Jayce, his Jayce, his like the other one never was—leans in and seeks physical touch, and Viktor is once again too weak to deny him a shoulder to lean against. ]
What happened to us?
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I— [ he breathes— better, now. ] I don't know.
[ which wasn't helpful at all, he realizes, blinking quickly to dry the excess wetness from his eyelids. he still wants to cling to viktor and never let him go. ]
We might— have to look into metaphysics.
[ a good grounding point. possible explanations wnd theories to keep their minds occupied. ]
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