[ a huff of his laughing under his breath; if jayce'd been in another place at another time, maybe it'd be him to initiate. he would crumble too.
he supposes he just didn't crumble fast enough— probably out of their differences. he admires viktor's boldness, for it. and for making him come out of his shell. the wall he'd built for himself barely existed after he'd met the man. ]
Sounds more like a race. [ he is just cheeky!! tonight, isn't he. all full of levity. with an affectionate gaze, he keeps his proximity; the desired effect fixes between them: a luscious tension that made his heart skip.
he hasn't been so excited, or mentally stimulated, in quite some time like he was tonight. viktor always managed. it was always viktor. ]
[ Humming, Viktor leans in closer until their noses touch, and then pulls away completely. He wants to face Jayce instead of sitting next to him, and not just because he enjoys staring into that mysterious color that was his eyes. So he turns in a semi-circle until they're once again sitting side by side, but this time facing in opposite directions. Quickly retaking Jayce's hand, Viktor runs his thumb over the bumps of each knuckle as he tries to think of a place to start. ]
When you have these... feelings of deja vu, do you ever remember things that haven't happened? Not the sense that you've been in the exact same scenario before, but that you're remembering something similar?
[ augh— even the bump of their noses leaves jayce weak. the quick pullback has him holding his breath from the anticipation, then likely smiling as he realizes he's been played. it makes him want all the more.
jayce bites into his lower lip, however brief, to hinder his smile from going too wide. noticing viktor's intention, jayce follows and does the same: facing him, with one leg crossed, and his injury stretched out in front of him and to viktor's side.
there's a much better view this way. ]
All the time. Sometimes they'd get so— [ he looks for the word, uses his hand to gesture, ] Fantastical, I'd think I'd have the wildest imagination when it came to you. Or . . .
[ Seeing Jayce so perfectly match him, a mirror to his actions despite a lack of vocal communication, makes Viktor's heart sing. They work so perfectly together in the stables and now in this as well, this... relationship that they're growing from such fertile ground.
Viktor's eyes narrow in pensive contemplation as Jayce explains, putting voice to words that Viktor has thought to himself a dozen times. He would love to focus on the combination of "wildest imagination" being used in the same sentence as himself, the double entendre right there for the taking, but instead his breath hitches at Jayce's confession. He wants to dive deeper and explain his own experiences, but they've established rules to this exchange.
Licking his lips, he leans in to kiss Jayce, lingering but chaste. ] Your turn.
[ a kiss so sweet and brief that jayce goes chasing after viktor when he parts to speak, and halts his pursuit when he hears it.
his turn.
jayce feels abashed in the sense that he feels too old for this— this giddy eagerness you're more likely to find in horny teenagers. but that isn't to say he doesn't like it, pulling his lips wide as he dips his head sideways in mock disappointment.
keeps him on the edge of his seat in the grass, and giving more anticipation for their audience of stars, crickets and croaking frogs. jayce seeks out as little as two of viktor's fingers to pinch between his index finger and thumb, rubbing over it like he would a crystal gem. ]
[ Viktor echoes the smile, appreciating that Jayce seems to easily understand his intentions. There have been others who called Viktor cold or stoic, but in reality, most people just didn't understand his way of doing things.
Enter one Jayce Talis.
The touch to his fingers is so delicate, a stark contrast to Jayce's tough exterior, and Viktor nearly caves into giving him another kiss. He has to stay strong, though, because his partner is maintaining focus. ]
My favorite?
[ He hums, thinking about all of the false memories that had struck him recently—for the ones with Jayce are definitely the happiest. When he speaks, his accent is a little thicker, eyes on where his fingers meet Jayce's. ]
Floating in a room of light and stars. There was a glowing epicenter, like a small blue sun, and you pushed something through it toward me. It jumped, like... skipping time. [ He knows that the item was a small, silver gear, but for some reason, that part strikes him as private, like he would keep it on him at all times and not want Jayce to know. ] It felt like a moment of pure discovery, like ecstasy after an epic realization.
[ jayce's expression completely drops, like he's seen a ghost, or struck by startle so great he . . . doesn't know what to say at first. it's the same. the memory— if they could call it that, the same as his. a bright, beautiful color. floating, laughter, just—
doscovery. it felt special. it felt their's. jayce huffs out, similar to a breathless laugh, but he can barely curve his lips to make it so. he's still in disbelief. ]
It was . . . A cog. [ a silver cog that he tapped with his finger. he knew this one. it happened some days ago. ] And you were— smiling . . .
[ such a wonderous smile, that it suited viktor in the reserves of their privacy together. the urge to kiss him was too great, and jayce feared he'd lose the battle of asking questions if he didn't keep up.
what the hell. he's wanted to initiate, and so he does; he takes the opportunity to cup the other's face, to meet him halfway in a kiss that bares more need, a little rougher in maintaining, but does not deepen, yet. he lingers for permission, and holds his face like he has found the most precious thing under all these stars. ]
[ The change in expression throws Viktor off-balance, worried that maybe he'd gone too far and that his thoughts were truly fantastical. Even when a smile creeps onto Jayce's features, Viktor wonders if it's something placating, or worse, pitying.
He's not expecting Jayce to know. How could he? It isn't a real memory, and Viktor hadn't slipped up and mentioned the cog even if Jayce might have been able to assume that he was indeed smiling. Hell, he's not even aware of the fact that he named the color "blue" on instinct while being wrapped up in remembering. He looks at Jayce in utter disbelief, it takes him a second to melt into action when he's being kissed so tenderly.
Another flash of memory, of multi-colored hands reaching for him and cupping the back of his neck. He flinches away from it, the memory of Jayce and the real one in front of him, white-hot emotional pain spiking through his heart and making him gasp. ]
[ another short lived clench, and by the time they pull back, jayce doesn’t leave much space to. for starters, he wanted to keep close, and answer on his tongue just as quickly, but then—
his breathing catches when viktor twinges—
was he okay? had he done something wrong? hand . . . he seen something else? his hands go from cheeks to the back of his neck on one hand, a soothing rub against his fist with the other.
there's so much color in that singular image flashing through his mind right now— viktor, staring back at him with expectant eyes, tilting into him— that he nearly recoils— and holds on to viktor to stay there. ]
[ Usually, the flashes are so brief that Viktor is able to recover, but Jayce of now is moving the same way as the Jayce of his memories, hands shifting to slot into place with the image in Viktor's mind. His heart squeezes, his chest struggling to expand for air, and he feels tears start to roll down his cheeks. ]
S-stop. [ He gasps, unable to move but unable to stop the memory: their foreheads together, gritting their teeth while the world swirls around them. He wants to turn away, to hide somewhere Jayce can't see his shame, where Jayce might be safe from this burden. ] Jayce, let go.
[ he can't let go. not immediately, not whilst hearing his partner's tears come hot, flaring around in that chaotic whirl of magic and runic symbols, a power building between them and they are at its center. he remembers. he remembers how he was afraid of what felt like their last moments and relives it. he even feels the rub of viktor's soothing hand against his wrist as his breathing in real time picks up, as the corners of his squeezed eyes burn with their own beads rolling into his beard. ]
I promised—
[ —it's too overwhelming. jayce forgets where he is, what he's supposed to be doing. he jerks back with startle, a dry gasp, and left a quivering bundle of limbs that doesn't know the slightest of what's happening to them.
his chest clenches for viktor, but he could barely compose himself to care for him. his heart was racing like he'd just seen and accepted death, looked right at it while embraced with . . . viktor. dying together.
his head could burst. his hands drop, fall to viktor's legs and his head hangs between them. for a moment all he could do was breathe— and seek viktor by pressing his forehead to the other's shoulder— not just for comfort, but to offer it. he doesn't know what that was, but he knew he was silently sobbing it out. ]
[ Viktor can't remember when he lifted a hand to hold Jayce's wrist, can't remember if it's muscle memory to mimic the image overwhelming his mind or to hold Jayce close or to try to pull him away. It feels like two Viktors vying for space in his head, the self that he is here and now versus the version of the memory that crumbled beneath a heavy weight of guilt, failure, fear, regret.
He'd hurt Jayce. He'd done something so awful that they were dying, and he wasn't even strong enough to convince Jayce to save himself. Unconditional love at last, and he was too much of a coward to deny himself its comfort in the end.
There aren't enough words. Finally, after what feels like a thousand lifetimes, Jayce's hands drop and Viktor is free to sag to the side, to turn halfway away from Jayce because he's shaking too hard to gather his strength and move. Even still, Jayce—this Jayce, his Jayce, his like the other one never was—leans in and seeks physical touch, and Viktor is once again too weak to deny him a shoulder to lean against. ]
[ he could gather himself this way— with enough short gasps and inwards and shaking exhaled outward, jayce leans lower, lower— until his legs shift completely under him, away from viktor, only so that it could be replaced with his head in his lap, cheek to thigh. riding out the waves is a gradual feat. ]
I— [ he breathes— better, now. ] I don't know.
[ which wasn't helpful at all, he realizes, blinking quickly to dry the excess wetness from his eyelids. he still wants to cling to viktor and never let him go. ]
We might— have to look into metaphysics.
[ a good grounding point. possible explanations wnd theories to keep their minds occupied. ]
[ Frozen and shivering in place, a distant part of him marvels that Jayce is still moving. Always forward, always progressing. He chokes on a sob and can't figure out what had caused it.
Jayce moves away, and Viktor wonders if they should head back to the house. It's late, and the flashes have tired him out more than anything else that's happened today. So much has happened, and Viktor can hardly believe that they had kissed for the first time that afternoon. Maybe that was what had caused everything to progress so exponentially, or realizing they had been sharing memories, or all of it snowballing around the fact that Viktor may be in love with Jayce.
It shocks him into stillness, and then the warm weight of Jayce's head rests in his lap, and Viktor is stunned into silence. He doesn't know what exactly Jayce had seen—remembered?—but he shouldn't want to be this close to Viktor right now.
Why do you persist?
He needs to focus on something else, and he wants it to be this Jayce and this Viktor flirting. The game of questions and kisses is forgotten, replaced by Viktor pushing Jayce's hair back from his eyes and gently thumbing away the tears clinging to his thick eyelashes. ]
Yes. And we'll need to document shared episodes of deja vu. [ A beat. ] But would it be selfish to start tomorrow?
[ after a moment's pause, after everything seems to slow, as grounding fingers card into his hair and do more than any sort of studying would, jayce looks up. those beautiful amber eyes look haunted, distraught. tears build in them, strain his delicate features with sobs he wished he could smear away as easily as he does with his raising palm, gently push him thumb under his eye to dry the tears himself.
jayce's glance keeps at viktor a good long while, and he realizes just how much harder his heart was beating, jumping, skipping— how dire he felt to be around him now, half because he's always felt it, and half due to the aftershock of a memory that revolved around choosing viktor over everything else. he'd do it again, too. he'd choose him every time.
his chest felt tight in a way that still made his stomach flutter, like a garden overrun by hundreds of dainty wings taking flight. jayce's brows pinch and his lips press firmly, all before allowing it all a release with a pent up breath of calm, but not at all worriedly.
was it too soon to say he was in love with him? ]
Of course not. That was— [ for lack of better wording? ] overwhelming. For both of us.
[ jayce begins to rise, planting his hands on both sides of their resting spot and lifting his torso to sit upright. he considers a pause, because it's something he'd do without asking, but . . . considering what just happened, it was worth it to ask. he vaguely remembers hearing stop, let go, real words weaved with the fantastical, where he couldn't tell which he was living in. he didn't heed them at all.
he feels awful to have caused pain, and jayce wants to snuff it out immediately. ]
Could I hug you?
[ he'd understand if it was unwanted. he didn't listen the first time, distracted as he was.
but he still wanted to be grounded here, in this real life with this viktor and this silly game of curiosity, turned experiment, gone a little wrong. ]
[ A little more tension melts from Viktor, ashamed that he'd shirk research and science but grateful that he's been allowed a little bit of space from what had just happened. He needs to process it internally, probably won't sleep the rest of the night in order to do so, but for now he can focus on the warmth of where Jayce touches him, the roughness of his hands, the cadence of his voice. ]
A bit of an understatement. [ He smiles, a bit wry and a bit self-deprecating. For so long, he's wanted Jayce to touch him, to be close to him, and yet he'd told him to stop, to let go. It had felt like the past mixing with he present as well as a selfish need to save himself from the pain, but he felt guilt for it all the same. And now Jayce was asking for something as simple as a hug? They'd been so close moments ago, and now it feels like there's a chasm between them once more.
Viktor can be the one to jump first. ]
Lie down. [ He pushes lightly at Jayce's shoulder and, if he's willing, Viktor will go down with him. Physically he's tired from the episode even if his brain is working overtime, and he wants to rest in Jayce's arms if he'll allow it. Hugging horizontally is still hugging, isn't it? ]
[ horizontal hugging is still most definitely hugging. if there is anyone who obeys both voice and incline faster than jayce talis, they have yet to exist. relief fills his lungs and just as he lays on his back, his arms snag around viktor and slot him close. the ebb of heat pushes away the cold tension of what had happened moments prior— he hugs his partner tight like a lifeline, finally giving his heart to soothe any aches.
speaking of his heart— it feels balled in his throat, but it's still there between his ribs, thumping like crazy. it was almost gard to tell whether or not it had been due to the sudden stress of the experience, or if it had been started skipping when viktor pressed himself against him. if it had started to calm before, now it's just speeding all over again.
with a hand around the curve of viktor's shoulder, jayce motions a rub that pulls him close, his other arm encircling his back into a tight, comforting squeeze. ]
—I'm sorry, if I . . . Scared you. [ perhaps it's alright to start from there, his voice almost a whisper in a night breeze that makes him clench his body tighter against viktor. ] It's— It was like I couldn't tell what was real.
[ Viktor eases down onto Jayce, tucking in close with one arm between his own head and the grass and the other wrapping around his partner's ribs. His hand splays across Jayce's back, long fingers absentmindedly drawing shapes that not even Viktor knows—numbers, letters, runes, symbols.
He feels their hearts beating so close together, both pulses racing from adrenaline or proximity or maybe a combination of the two. Viktor is trying to find words, but Jayce beats him to it and leaves him looking up at him with mouth hanging in surprise. ]
You didn't scare me. [ The truth is easy to spill, words quick because he doesn't want Jayce to blame himself for anything. How is Viktor going to explain everything that he felt in that short moment? He couldn't tell what was real, and there was a layer of that within the memory, too. Seeing Jayce fight for him, learning that he would die with him? It makes Viktor's eyes sting with the threat of more tears, his stomach a tumultuous sea. ] I... scared myself.
[ would it be all right, for his hand to venture some? nowhere lewd, he . . .
just wished to touch his hair, again. jayce's fingers flit a little higher from the shoulder, until they start brisking between the little licks of curls at the nape of viktor's neck. his heart doesn't quell, not even for a second. ]
It's okay. [ maybe it wasn't the right time to talk about it, and even then, jayce has decided that viktor should be the one to truly decide. he'd said tomorrow. he plans to keep steady on tomorrow, and still save today. ] Whatever that was . . . We're here, now.
[ where the infinite backdrop of stars shine above them. where they cradle each other under the sky's beautiful blanket and the grass' cool bedding. it makes him remember where he is, now. what he's doing, exactly.
he's got viktor nestled into him and it's— more than he could've asked for, not just today. ever. for someone who had awoken this morning with the resolve to court a man, all with the prospect of difficulty and rejectiom, he's not only gotten more than one kiss— he's falling so hard for him. and where did it all begin—? it feels . . . so much farther back, now.
it's been more than enough time to calm and he still feels— like the knocking in his breast would burst out from so much yearning. has this memory done something to him—? or has viktor? a mesh of both, so intricately intertwined? ]
[ Humming, Viktor allows himself to melt under the touches to his hair. It's gotten a little long, and while he'd originally contemplated getting it cut soon, now he's having second thoughts. His thoughts are still racing in the back of his mind, but they're slowly being drowned out by Jayce's reassurance and comforting presence. It's strange, the kind of anxiety he'd felt during that flash of memory—he can't imagine being so scared of hurting Jayce, or worse, being rejected by him. ]
Here, in the grass, under the stars. [ He laughs a little bit, stifling the noise against Jayce's shoulder. It feels like he's lived a lifetime in the span of a day. Though he'd had episodes of false—past?—memories before, nothing had ever felt so real; the fact that they had experienced the exact same thing at the same time only added to a feedback loop of emotion and confusion.
Looking up at Jayce, he chuckles and nods. Some promenade, full of surprises both good and bad. ] It's been... quite the day. [ Fingers playing up Jayce's back and hooking over his shoulder, Viktor shifts a little higher so he can look into his beautiful eyes. ] I'd like to kiss you now, if that's okay.
[ oh, no. the skip. the happiest little skip within the cage of his ribs that could kick the insecurity away so effortlessly. jayce's earlier ironic raise of his brows turns into an adoring crinkle, needing even to quickly face his head forward, accompanying viktor's ascent and even helping him up by his spine.
jayce had no words for the handsomeness he saw, grateful for their budding attempts at courtship to roll them into a heated blanket after the rush of too-raw emotion left them staggering, tired and a bit drained. but not for this. never for this. jayce slides his fingers under viktor's side bangs, until they sit just under the lobe of his ear. ]
It's almost all I could think about.
[ just. viktor and proximity. his closeness with viktor. to feel his taste again— he craves it.
it is why he is gradual, tender in his approach to dip his head and press his nose into viktor's inner cheek— but inhales from the nose just as his mouth purses to meet soft, thin lips again, like being brought back to life from the brink, or being given sustenance after starvation. he presses, and presses to adjust to each linger, until the heat rises up his neck, burns at his collar, and has jayce slacking his jaw only a bit, with the tiniest puff of breath in between.
something told him they wouldn't be asking anymore questions, and he's perfectly, perfectly fine with filling that gap with the tingling snaps of their lips, coming apart and enfolding like a enchanting torrent. ]
[ Jayce is probably the only person that will be able to get away with helping Viktor in any way. Usually it's something that he hates, but here, it's safe to say that his partner never means for it to take agency away from Viktor, never robs him of the effort out of a sense of pity. Also, it's a little arousing that Jayce is so strong and that his hands are big where they hold Viktor.
He shouldn't think about that, or he won't be able to stop at kissing. This is technically their first date, and he had said something about playing hard to get, hadn't he?
But it's so easy to give in to the tenderness of Jayce's touch, the way he leans in and spoils him with little intimacies even before their lips meet. When they do kiss, it's like static electricity sparking between them, like sun on a flower's petals after a long, dark night. Viktor sighs against Jayce's lips, and it feels like they're sharing a first kiss all over again after a thousand years. ]
[ it really does, in that perfect way the heat surges up from his chest throughout his face and down his spine— a wonderful tingle that threatens goosebumps when they've put their lips together like they'd been too far apart from it from too long. jayce takes his time, now. his rough fingers take on mild affections, combing under the falls of the sides of viktor's swiping bangs with one hand, the closest to the grass, a palm settling on the middle of his arm, in another. he rubs slowly, back and forth to feel the skin under the fabric of his sleeves as the ebb and flow of their kiss sustain. it is a bit different than the others, edged with so much care and curiosity to fully map the way they slot in place and memorize the grooves of viktor's style, every bit of it. wanting to know him. jayce is the first to part his lips a little wider, silently pleading for viktor's entry and taste against his tongue— the slide of it against his teeth is tentative, but the moment viktor enters, he chases. a push in his ducked head, a grip in his hand that starts a descent from viktor's arms to the container of his ribs, to make sure their chest leave no spaces in between.
jayce sighs a little harder, the tension in his shoulders coming unbound and nestling himself in bliss. he's so glad that they melt back into this. so, so glad. that memory did not separate him from viktor. it drew jayce undeniably closer to the point that he didn't think he could be without him. he didn't want to be. he didn't want to part from him for even a moment, and would fight the impact bides of ancient magic to stay with him. to hold him.
[ Viktor tries not to be scientific about kissing Jayce, but his instinct is to map out his lips and mouth, to categorize every reaction, to learn him. Always studying and striving for greater understanding, Viktor will become an expert in Jayce Talis.
His lips easily part for Jayce when he begs entry, mouth falling open in a nearly silent moan as they press closer together. The grass is wet beneath them, but Jayce's heat is so inviting—Viktor pushes into it, rolling them over until he's resting on top of Jayce with legs falling to either side of his hips. The positioning is certainly more suggestive, parts of Jayce just as hard against Viktor's body as the ground had been, but his focus is on soft lips and tongue.
Both arms now free, he rests his hands on Jayce's neck and then slowly moves them higher. Fingers comb over beard, palms cups both sides of his face, nails rake through long hair. All of Jayce is for Viktor to make out, each little detail and flaw and wonderful piece of him.
There is beauty in imperfections.
Turning away from memory, he anchors himself in here, now, Jayce. He runs his tongue over the gap in his teeth and his lips curl into a smile even as they continue to kiss. ]
[ jayce's hips tense with surprise, his hands a solid grip as viktor turns him on his back, the only sound he makes is a quick mmph—, short and caught sharply in his throat, but this— oh, this. he melts under viktor, in his mouth. his lips pull apart to take as much of viktor in as he charts every dip and corner of him. the bends of his gums and teeth, the swirl of his tongue past. his lips work wet and slippery and he couldn't care less, only swallowing where he could, taking short breaths in to keep himself from breaking apart from this marvel. his eyes crack open, just to see—
and he is so beautiful. they were each other's cartographer and there were no better hands to search through them but their own. jayce accidentally lets a moan slip, a short little thing as the rise of heat seizes him from the middle and spreads white hot from his pelvis out. the combination of kiss, position, the nails in his hair that pries a gasp from him and tingles his nape— how his hands get a little bold, a little eager in spreading his touch across the side of his partner's chest on one side and the top of his leg on the other, exploring and rapt in the bumps of his ribs or the metal brace that hugs his thigh— he realizes just how much he prizes of viktor. from his mind to his body, to his leg and his kiss. an insseperable piece of everything . . . i admire about you. he doesn't think he's ever said that to viktor. his mind's eye suggests he did, in that marvelous plane of stars and nebulae whilst drifting away, slowly . . . losing himself, in front of a great being. was that god, ready to take him? an angel?
viktor— viktor is smiling— he can feel it when he delves for more taste and is met with a wall of teeth, curled lips peeled away. he laughs too, attempts to take viktor's lower lip between his teeth and tease him, gentle, rolls his hips up in the heat of the moment and hitches air into his lungs when met with a dizzying friction, oh, my god—
then, immediately, he freezes. between them, jayce is getting notably aroused and it, ah. shows. viktor is camped right on top of it, most likely felt in the way jayce throbs under all this fabric, just once as the soft space between his legs gets a touch more firm. this is the only time he breaks from viktor willingly, the smack of their mouths broken apart and leaving jayce's lips puffy and glistening. ]
Viktor, [ he says, breathless and dazed and ecstatic— and straining himself from the hips down. trying to look away from him in hopes that what the eyes don't see his cock won't feel. the night hides how deeply hued his face looks. oh, he's never turned this shade before. he tries to be responsible, to his own dismay. he wants to be good. he wants to wait, even if he doesn't actually want to. ] I— I need a minute.
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he supposes he just didn't crumble fast enough— probably out of their differences. he admires viktor's boldness, for it. and for making him come out of his shell. the wall he'd built for himself barely existed after he'd met the man. ]
Sounds more like a race. [ he is just cheeky!! tonight, isn't he. all full of levity. with an affectionate gaze, he keeps his proximity; the desired effect fixes between them: a luscious tension that made his heart skip.
he hasn't been so excited, or mentally stimulated, in quite some time like he was tonight. viktor always managed. it was always viktor. ]
Gentlemen first.
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[ Humming, Viktor leans in closer until their noses touch, and then pulls away completely. He wants to face Jayce instead of sitting next to him, and not just because he enjoys staring into that mysterious color that was his eyes. So he turns in a semi-circle until they're once again sitting side by side, but this time facing in opposite directions. Quickly retaking Jayce's hand, Viktor runs his thumb over the bumps of each knuckle as he tries to think of a place to start. ]
When you have these... feelings of deja vu, do you ever remember things that haven't happened? Not the sense that you've been in the exact same scenario before, but that you're remembering something similar?
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jayce bites into his lower lip, however brief, to hinder his smile from going too wide. noticing viktor's intention, jayce follows and does the same: facing him, with one leg crossed, and his injury stretched out in front of him and to viktor's side.
there's a much better view this way. ]
All the time. Sometimes they'd get so— [ he looks for the word, uses his hand to gesture, ] Fantastical, I'd think I'd have the wildest imagination when it came to you. Or . . .
[ a beat, voice going low and mildly sheepish, ]
I've been dreaming with you almost every night.
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Viktor's eyes narrow in pensive contemplation as Jayce explains, putting voice to words that Viktor has thought to himself a dozen times. He would love to focus on the combination of "wildest imagination" being used in the same sentence as himself, the double entendre right there for the taking, but instead his breath hitches at Jayce's confession. He wants to dive deeper and explain his own experiences, but they've established rules to this exchange.
Licking his lips, he leans in to kiss Jayce, lingering but chaste. ] Your turn.
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his turn.
jayce feels abashed in the sense that he feels too old for this— this giddy eagerness you're more likely to find in horny teenagers. but that isn't to say he doesn't like it, pulling his lips wide as he dips his head sideways in mock disappointment.
keeps him on the edge of his seat in the grass, and giving more anticipation for their audience of stars, crickets and croaking frogs. jayce seeks out as little as two of viktor's fingers to pinch between his index finger and thumb, rubbing over it like he would a crystal gem. ]
Tell me your favorite one.
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Enter one Jayce Talis.
The touch to his fingers is so delicate, a stark contrast to Jayce's tough exterior, and Viktor nearly caves into giving him another kiss. He has to stay strong, though, because his partner is maintaining focus. ]
My favorite?
[ He hums, thinking about all of the false memories that had struck him recently—for the ones with Jayce are definitely the happiest. When he speaks, his accent is a little thicker, eyes on where his fingers meet Jayce's. ]
Floating in a room of light and stars. There was a glowing epicenter, like a small blue sun, and you pushed something through it toward me. It jumped, like... skipping time. [ He knows that the item was a small, silver gear, but for some reason, that part strikes him as private, like he would keep it on him at all times and not want Jayce to know. ] It felt like a moment of pure discovery, like ecstasy after an epic realization.
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doscovery. it felt special. it felt their's. jayce huffs out, similar to a breathless laugh, but he can barely curve his lips to make it so. he's still in disbelief. ]
It was . . . A cog. [ a silver cog that he tapped with his finger. he knew this one. it happened some days ago. ] And you were— smiling . . .
[ such a wonderous smile, that it suited viktor in the reserves of their privacy together. the urge to kiss him was too great, and jayce feared he'd lose the battle of asking questions if he didn't keep up.
what the hell. he's wanted to initiate, and so he does; he takes the opportunity to cup the other's face, to meet him halfway in a kiss that bares more need, a little rougher in maintaining, but does not deepen, yet. he lingers for permission, and holds his face like he has found the most precious thing under all these stars. ]
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He's not expecting Jayce to know. How could he? It isn't a real memory, and Viktor hadn't slipped up and mentioned the cog even if Jayce might have been able to assume that he was indeed smiling. Hell, he's not even aware of the fact that he named the color "blue" on instinct while being wrapped up in remembering. He looks at Jayce in utter disbelief, it takes him a second to melt into action when he's being kissed so tenderly.
Another flash of memory, of multi-colored hands reaching for him and cupping the back of his neck. He flinches away from it, the memory of Jayce and the real one in front of him, white-hot emotional pain spiking through his heart and making him gasp. ]
How did you know that?
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his breathing catches when viktor twinges—
was he okay? had he done something wrong? hand . . . he seen something else? his hands go from cheeks to the back of his neck on one hand, a soothing rub against his fist with the other.
there's so much color in that singular image flashing through his mind right now— viktor, staring back at him with expectant eyes, tilting into him— that he nearly recoils— and holds on to viktor to stay there. ]
—I-I saw it, a few days ago. The same thing—
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S-stop. [ He gasps, unable to move but unable to stop the memory: their foreheads together, gritting their teeth while the world swirls around them. He wants to turn away, to hide somewhere Jayce can't see his shame, where Jayce might be safe from this burden. ] Jayce, let go.
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[ he can't let go. not immediately, not whilst hearing his partner's tears come hot, flaring around in that chaotic whirl of magic and runic symbols, a power building between them and they are at its center. he remembers. he remembers how he was afraid of what felt like their last moments and relives it. he even feels the rub of viktor's soothing hand against his wrist as his breathing in real time picks up, as the corners of his squeezed eyes burn with their own beads rolling into his beard. ]
I promised—
[ —it's too overwhelming. jayce forgets where he is, what he's supposed to be doing. he jerks back with startle, a dry gasp, and left a quivering bundle of limbs that doesn't know the slightest of what's happening to them.
his chest clenches for viktor, but he could barely compose himself to care for him. his heart was racing like he'd just seen and accepted death, looked right at it while embraced with . . . viktor. dying together.
his head could burst. his hands drop, fall to viktor's legs and his head hangs between them. for a moment all he could do was breathe— and seek viktor by pressing his forehead to the other's shoulder— not just for comfort, but to offer it. he doesn't know what that was, but he knew he was silently sobbing it out. ]
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He'd hurt Jayce. He'd done something so awful that they were dying, and he wasn't even strong enough to convince Jayce to save himself. Unconditional love at last, and he was too much of a coward to deny himself its comfort in the end.
There aren't enough words. Finally, after what feels like a thousand lifetimes, Jayce's hands drop and Viktor is free to sag to the side, to turn halfway away from Jayce because he's shaking too hard to gather his strength and move. Even still, Jayce—this Jayce, his Jayce, his like the other one never was—leans in and seeks physical touch, and Viktor is once again too weak to deny him a shoulder to lean against. ]
What happened to us?
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I— [ he breathes— better, now. ] I don't know.
[ which wasn't helpful at all, he realizes, blinking quickly to dry the excess wetness from his eyelids. he still wants to cling to viktor and never let him go. ]
We might— have to look into metaphysics.
[ a good grounding point. possible explanations wnd theories to keep their minds occupied. ]
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Jayce moves away, and Viktor wonders if they should head back to the house. It's late, and the flashes have tired him out more than anything else that's happened today. So much has happened, and Viktor can hardly believe that they had kissed for the first time that afternoon. Maybe that was what had caused everything to progress so exponentially, or realizing they had been sharing memories, or all of it snowballing around the fact that Viktor may be in love with Jayce.
It shocks him into stillness, and then the warm weight of Jayce's head rests in his lap, and Viktor is stunned into silence. He doesn't know what exactly Jayce had seen—remembered?—but he shouldn't want to be this close to Viktor right now.
Why do you persist?
He needs to focus on something else, and he wants it to be this Jayce and this Viktor flirting. The game of questions and kisses is forgotten, replaced by Viktor pushing Jayce's hair back from his eyes and gently thumbing away the tears clinging to his thick eyelashes. ]
Yes. And we'll need to document shared episodes of deja vu. [ A beat. ] But would it be selfish to start tomorrow?
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jayce's glance keeps at viktor a good long while, and he realizes just how much harder his heart was beating, jumping, skipping— how dire he felt to be around him now, half because he's always felt it, and half due to the aftershock of a memory that revolved around choosing viktor over everything else. he'd do it again, too. he'd choose him every time.
his chest felt tight in a way that still made his stomach flutter, like a garden overrun by hundreds of dainty wings taking flight. jayce's brows pinch and his lips press firmly, all before allowing it all a release with a pent up breath of calm, but not at all worriedly.
was it too soon to say he was in love with him? ]
Of course not. That was— [ for lack of better wording? ] overwhelming. For both of us.
[ jayce begins to rise, planting his hands on both sides of their resting spot and lifting his torso to sit upright. he considers a pause, because it's something he'd do without asking, but . . . considering what just happened, it was worth it to ask. he vaguely remembers hearing stop, let go, real words weaved with the fantastical, where he couldn't tell which he was living in. he didn't heed them at all.
he feels awful to have caused pain, and jayce wants to snuff it out immediately. ]
Could I hug you?
[ he'd understand if it was unwanted. he didn't listen the first time, distracted as he was.
but he still wanted to be grounded here, in this real life with this viktor and this silly game of curiosity, turned experiment, gone a little wrong. ]
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A bit of an understatement. [ He smiles, a bit wry and a bit self-deprecating. For so long, he's wanted Jayce to touch him, to be close to him, and yet he'd told him to stop, to let go. It had felt like the past mixing with he present as well as a selfish need to save himself from the pain, but he felt guilt for it all the same. And now Jayce was asking for something as simple as a hug? They'd been so close moments ago, and now it feels like there's a chasm between them once more.
Viktor can be the one to jump first. ]
Lie down. [ He pushes lightly at Jayce's shoulder and, if he's willing, Viktor will go down with him. Physically he's tired from the episode even if his brain is working overtime, and he wants to rest in Jayce's arms if he'll allow it. Hugging horizontally is still hugging, isn't it? ]
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speaking of his heart— it feels balled in his throat, but it's still there between his ribs, thumping like crazy. it was almost gard to tell whether or not it had been due to the sudden stress of the experience, or if it had been started skipping when viktor pressed himself against him. if it had started to calm before, now it's just speeding all over again.
with a hand around the curve of viktor's shoulder, jayce motions a rub that pulls him close, his other arm encircling his back into a tight, comforting squeeze. ]
—I'm sorry, if I . . . Scared you. [ perhaps it's alright to start from there, his voice almost a whisper in a night breeze that makes him clench his body tighter against viktor. ] It's— It was like I couldn't tell what was real.
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He feels their hearts beating so close together, both pulses racing from adrenaline or proximity or maybe a combination of the two. Viktor is trying to find words, but Jayce beats him to it and leaves him looking up at him with mouth hanging in surprise. ]
You didn't scare me. [ The truth is easy to spill, words quick because he doesn't want Jayce to blame himself for anything. How is Viktor going to explain everything that he felt in that short moment? He couldn't tell what was real, and there was a layer of that within the memory, too. Seeing Jayce fight for him, learning that he would die with him? It makes Viktor's eyes sting with the threat of more tears, his stomach a tumultuous sea. ] I... scared myself.
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just wished to touch his hair, again. jayce's fingers flit a little higher from the shoulder, until they start brisking between the little licks of curls at the nape of viktor's neck. his heart doesn't quell, not even for a second. ]
It's okay. [ maybe it wasn't the right time to talk about it, and even then, jayce has decided that viktor should be the one to truly decide. he'd said tomorrow. he plans to keep steady on tomorrow, and still save today. ] Whatever that was . . . We're here, now.
[ where the infinite backdrop of stars shine above them. where they cradle each other under the sky's beautiful blanket and the grass' cool bedding. it makes him remember where he is, now. what he's doing, exactly.
he's got viktor nestled into him and it's— more than he could've asked for, not just today. ever. for someone who had awoken this morning with the resolve to court a man, all with the prospect of difficulty and rejectiom, he's not only gotten more than one kiss— he's falling so hard for him. and where did it all begin—? it feels . . . so much farther back, now.
it's been more than enough time to calm and he still feels— like the knocking in his breast would burst out from so much yearning. has this memory done something to him—? or has viktor? a mesh of both, so intricately intertwined? ]
Some promenade this turned out, huh.
[ an attempt was made, at levity. ]
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Here, in the grass, under the stars. [ He laughs a little bit, stifling the noise against Jayce's shoulder. It feels like he's lived a lifetime in the span of a day. Though he'd had episodes of false—past?—memories before, nothing had ever felt so real; the fact that they had experienced the exact same thing at the same time only added to a feedback loop of emotion and confusion.
Looking up at Jayce, he chuckles and nods. Some promenade, full of surprises both good and bad. ] It's been... quite the day. [ Fingers playing up Jayce's back and hooking over his shoulder, Viktor shifts a little higher so he can look into his beautiful eyes. ] I'd like to kiss you now, if that's okay.
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jayce had no words for the handsomeness he saw, grateful for their budding attempts at courtship to roll them into a heated blanket after the rush of too-raw emotion left them staggering, tired and a bit drained. but not for this. never for this. jayce slides his fingers under viktor's side bangs, until they sit just under the lobe of his ear. ]
It's almost all I could think about.
[ just. viktor and proximity. his closeness with viktor. to feel his taste again— he craves it.
it is why he is gradual, tender in his approach to dip his head and press his nose into viktor's inner cheek— but inhales from the nose just as his mouth purses to meet soft, thin lips again, like being brought back to life from the brink, or being given sustenance after starvation. he presses, and presses to adjust to each linger, until the heat rises up his neck, burns at his collar, and has jayce slacking his jaw only a bit, with the tiniest puff of breath in between.
something told him they wouldn't be asking anymore questions, and he's perfectly, perfectly fine with filling that gap with the tingling snaps of their lips, coming apart and enfolding like a enchanting torrent. ]
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He shouldn't think about that, or he won't be able to stop at kissing. This is technically their first date, and he had said something about playing hard to get, hadn't he?
But it's so easy to give in to the tenderness of Jayce's touch, the way he leans in and spoils him with little intimacies even before their lips meet. When they do kiss, it's like static electricity sparking between them, like sun on a flower's petals after a long, dark night. Viktor sighs against Jayce's lips, and it feels like they're sharing a first kiss all over again after a thousand years. ]
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jayce sighs a little harder, the tension in his shoulders coming unbound and nestling himself in bliss. he's so glad that they melt back into this. so, so glad. that memory did not separate him from viktor. it drew jayce undeniably closer to the point that he didn't think he could be without him. he didn't want to be. he didn't want to part from him for even a moment, and would fight the impact bides of ancient magic to stay with him. to hold him.
now he doesn't need to let go. ]
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His lips easily part for Jayce when he begs entry, mouth falling open in a nearly silent moan as they press closer together. The grass is wet beneath them, but Jayce's heat is so inviting—Viktor pushes into it, rolling them over until he's resting on top of Jayce with legs falling to either side of his hips. The positioning is certainly more suggestive, parts of Jayce just as hard against Viktor's body as the ground had been, but his focus is on soft lips and tongue.
Both arms now free, he rests his hands on Jayce's neck and then slowly moves them higher. Fingers comb over beard, palms cups both sides of his face, nails rake through long hair. All of Jayce is for Viktor to make out, each little detail and flaw and wonderful piece of him.
There is beauty in imperfections.
Turning away from memory, he anchors himself in here, now, Jayce. He runs his tongue over the gap in his teeth and his lips curl into a smile even as they continue to kiss. ]
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and he is so beautiful. they were each other's cartographer and there were no better hands to search through them but their own. jayce accidentally lets a moan slip, a short little thing as the rise of heat seizes him from the middle and spreads white hot from his pelvis out. the combination of kiss, position, the nails in his hair that pries a gasp from him and tingles his nape— how his hands get a little bold, a little eager in spreading his touch across the side of his partner's chest on one side and the top of his leg on the other, exploring and rapt in the bumps of his ribs or the metal brace that hugs his thigh— he realizes just how much he prizes of viktor. from his mind to his body, to his leg and his kiss. an insseperable piece of everything . . . i admire about you. he doesn't think he's ever said that to viktor. his mind's eye suggests he did, in that marvelous plane of stars and nebulae whilst drifting away, slowly . . . losing himself, in front of a great being. was that god, ready to take him? an angel?
viktor— viktor is smiling— he can feel it when he delves for more taste and is met with a wall of teeth, curled lips peeled away. he laughs too, attempts to take viktor's lower lip between his teeth and tease him, gentle, rolls his hips up in the heat of the moment and hitches air into his lungs when met with a dizzying friction, oh, my god—
then, immediately, he freezes. between them, jayce is getting notably aroused and it, ah. shows. viktor is camped right on top of it, most likely felt in the way jayce throbs under all this fabric, just once as the soft space between his legs gets a touch more firm. this is the only time he breaks from viktor willingly, the smack of their mouths broken apart and leaving jayce's lips puffy and glistening. ]
Viktor, [ he says, breathless and dazed and ecstatic— and straining himself from the hips down. trying to look away from him in hopes that what the eyes don't see his cock won't feel. the night hides how deeply hued his face looks. oh, he's never turned this shade before. he tries to be responsible, to his own dismay. he wants to be good. he wants to wait, even if he doesn't actually want to. ] I— I need a minute.
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