You went into politics? [ The words tumble out in an incredulous snort before she can stop them. Of all the paths he could've taken, he chose to fall in line with them. To think he could change things from the inside. Sharon can't help but think it sounds painfully naive.
But knowing him now, she doesn't think he still is. ]
I'm sure that's impressive, but unless that agreement actually went through, it doesn't mean much for the people it was supposed to help. [ Her tone softens, but only a little. She doesn't know the ins and outs of his world's politics, but she's seen enough of her own country to know how it usually works; these things were meant to lead people along without ever delivering what was needed. ]
[ listen, he knows that sound— and there was quite a lot at stake at the time, to the point that jayce didn't know how to say no in fear of . . . so many things. the project wouldn't continue. he wouldn't be able to help viktor, or anyone— then. he knows now that he's always had a choice. so, quietly, the scoff is mirrored, internally; he agrees with her. ]
How could it? [ pointed, ] Jinx launched a missile into the room right as it was approved.
Wait, seriously? [ Horror prickles at the edges of the Murmur, tangled with surprise and concern, yet underneath it all sits an odd sort of acceptance, like some part of her isn't surprised. She knows what it feels like to strike out at people who've hurt you. Maybe Jinx hadn't realized what they were really talking about—but would it have made a difference if she had? ]
I'm sure she had her reasons, whatever they were, [ Sharon says after a pause, her tone flat but not unkind, ] but that's... pretty shitty. [ She understands what Jayce had been trying to do, and how Jinx had blown it apart, both figuratively and literally. ]
[ the silence that follows sharon's response is a deadly one, building. jayce has to think once. twice. is he really feeling this? is he hearing this? he didn't want anyone to side with him, at least understand—
and what jayce projects is something like the slow, bubbling eruption of a volcano. ]
Pretty shitty—? [ a disbelieving scoff— ] Sharon, she intentionally blew up a building. There were people in there. For what the council was, there were still good people willing to make a difference. A mother to me, my partner—
[ jayce can't make it clear whether he wants to specify at the moment. mel. viktor. their brief images of that day flashby, with viktor's being in the greatest panic. both his partners and both with these feelings attatched that tangle into far more than simple affection. it is love, for the both of them. even if he and mel had drifted apart, he still loves her. and viktor—
he cannot get started on viktor. it makes his whole body rack with contained rage. ]
. . . I carried his body across the city to resuscitate him. [ she just— did the one thing that would set him off. the night still gives him nightmares, every fucking night. he hears viktor's snapping left and right under his hands, bleeding all over him. he didn't want to pit her against jinx— but flatness, read as nonchalance, closes him off like an iron wall. ] "Pretty shitty".
[ His anger makes her bristle, something inside her rising like a snake—coiled, venomous, ready to strike. ] What did you want me to say, Jayce? I've been where Jinx is. I know what it takes to reach that point, and it's never just one horror or tragedy. It's the build-up of many.
[ But then she draws back through the Murmur, softening despite herself. She knows how it sounds—cold, unfeeling, maybe even cruel. And maybe she is. Maybe she can be. The only reason she doesn't snap outright is because it's Jayce, because she likes him, because she hates that he's suffered because of the actions—and inactions—of others. ]
I'm sorry, okay? I don’t think you deserved that, or your partner... [ At least, she hopes not. She wants to believe Jayce wouldn't stay close to someone who'd stand by and watch others suffer. ] But, yeah, it's pretty shitty, and I'm sorry I didn't choose a better pair of words to express my horror that you had to go through that.
[ there's nothing else to say without jayce sounding entitled— he goes quiet, simmering beneath his silenced surface and accepts the apology, even if part of him still wants lash out somewhere and that's not because of sharon.
he needs a tree to be on the other end of his temper. one that at times feels alien to him, unlike him— but a lot of things changed since that ravine. ]
. . . We've all got our burdens to bear. [ and that's it. with a sigh that comes from squeezing his temples, he thinks: ] Think I'm at my limit for today, though.
[ he's just— not in the mood anymore, but he's trying to be polite about it. it's exhausting and the worst is that he can't even sleep it off. there is a dark sort of writhing in him that just wishes to disappear for a while, an old nightmare beckoning always, at his heels, at every year of age. but he's here, now. alive when he'd decided not to be. so— who knows. he's going to try and crack a book, or find good sticks to carve. make some prototypes. ]
If you want to know anything else, shoot.
[ he'll be curt. he's being curt, now. less mentally bare, but that's for the good of them both.
the wounds have peeled open when they've once scabbed. he has every damn good reason to hate her. he's still drilling himself to not do that. he's damn well better than that. ]
[ He's still angry, heat rolling off him like a kiln in the Murmur, and while a part of her remains curious, still brimming with questions, she pulls back, giving him the space he needs. ]
There's nothing else right now. [ She pauses, the silence stretching just a heartbeat before she adds, softer, ] Thanks for your honesty, Jayce. [ Because it matters. Whether or not she agrees with him, the fact that he offered her his truth means more than she can easily put into words. ]
[ and honesty had everything to do with being a decent human being. he was brought up that way, and never has he changed that. something to . . . be proud of, at least. maybe his mother would be happy something wasn't lost in the way he was reshaped. ]
Good night, Sharon.
[ jayce bows out quietly, after that. a show of an olive branch, since his frustrations had nothing to do with her. he just needed some air, and is thankful for the space given. ]
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But knowing him now, she doesn't think he still is. ]
I'm sure that's impressive, but unless that agreement actually went through, it doesn't mean much for the people it was supposed to help. [ Her tone softens, but only a little. She doesn't know the ins and outs of his world's politics, but she's seen enough of her own country to know how it usually works; these things were meant to lead people along without ever delivering what was needed. ]
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How could it? [ pointed, ] Jinx launched a missile into the room right as it was approved.
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I'm sure she had her reasons, whatever they were, [ Sharon says after a pause, her tone flat but not unkind, ] but that's... pretty shitty. [ She understands what Jayce had been trying to do, and how Jinx had blown it apart, both figuratively and literally. ]
no subject
and what jayce projects is something like the slow, bubbling eruption of a volcano. ]
Pretty shitty—? [ a disbelieving scoff— ] Sharon, she intentionally blew up a building. There were people in there. For what the council was, there were still good people willing to make a difference. A mother to me, my partner—
[ jayce can't make it clear whether he wants to specify at the moment. mel. viktor. their brief images of that day flash by, with viktor's being in the greatest panic. both his partners and both with these feelings attatched that tangle into far more than simple affection. it is love, for the both of them. even if he and mel had drifted apart, he still loves her. and viktor—
he cannot get started on viktor. it makes his whole body rack with contained rage. ]
. . . I carried his body across the city to resuscitate him. [ she just— did the one thing that would set him off. the night still gives him nightmares, every fucking night. he hears viktor's snapping left and right under his hands, bleeding all over him. he didn't want to pit her against jinx— but flatness, read as nonchalance, closes him off like an iron wall. ] "Pretty shitty".
no subject
[ But then she draws back through the Murmur, softening despite herself. She knows how it sounds—cold, unfeeling, maybe even cruel. And maybe she is. Maybe she can be. The only reason she doesn't snap outright is because it's Jayce, because she likes him, because she hates that he's suffered because of the actions—and inactions—of others. ]
I'm sorry, okay? I don’t think you deserved that, or your partner... [ At least, she hopes not. She wants to believe Jayce wouldn't stay close to someone who'd stand by and watch others suffer. ] But, yeah, it's pretty shitty, and I'm sorry I didn't choose a better pair of words to express my horror that you had to go through that.
[ Heavy emphasis on you. ]
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he needs a tree to be on the other end of his temper. one that at times feels alien to him, unlike him— but a lot of things changed since that ravine. ]
. . . We've all got our burdens to bear. [ and that's it. with a sigh that comes from squeezing his temples, he thinks: ] Think I'm at my limit for today, though.
[ he's just— not in the mood anymore, but he's trying to be polite about it. it's exhausting and the worst is that he can't even sleep it off. there is a dark sort of writhing in him that just wishes to disappear for a while, an old nightmare beckoning always, at his heels, at every year of age. but he's here, now. alive when he'd decided not to be. so— who knows. he's going to try and crack a book, or find good sticks to carve. make some prototypes. ]
If you want to know anything else, shoot.
[ he'll be curt. he's being curt, now. less mentally bare, but that's for the good of them both.
the wounds have peeled open when they've once scabbed. he has every damn good reason to hate her. he's still drilling himself to not do that. he's damn well better than that. ]
no subject
There's nothing else right now. [ She pauses, the silence stretching just a heartbeat before she adds, softer, ] Thanks for your honesty, Jayce. [ Because it matters. Whether or not she agrees with him, the fact that he offered her his truth means more than she can easily put into words. ]
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[ and honesty had everything to do with being a decent human being. he was brought up that way, and never has he changed that. something to . . . be proud of, at least. maybe his mother would be happy something wasn't lost in the way he was reshaped. ]
Good night, Sharon.
[ jayce bows out quietly, after that. a show of an olive branch, since his frustrations had nothing to do with her. he just needed some air, and is thankful for the space given. ]